You can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. “What if that allusive man in red had a day job?” And not just any job, but worked as an EMT.
Here’s how we’d imagine Santa’s epic flight around the world would happen. You know…after pulling a twelve hour shift the night before.
- Bad boys and girls would receive cotton swabs
- All of his reindeer would have IVs to keep them hydrted
- Your stocking stuffer would be a copy of your vitals he took while you were sleeping
- He'd have a partner
- His suit would include tactical boots
- Christmas carols would be pretty gruesome
- He'd be used to the crazy hours
- He'd know all the good late night food spots...but would probably be interrupted halway through eating
- He'd have a magical refilling coffee thermos
- His sled would have lights and sirens
- The elves would dispatch which house is next
- He could backboard himself from any chimney-related injuries
- He would track how long it takes to go from home to home